Backslide

About a year and a half ago, Tiffany and I mostly gave up foods that come in boxes. Cereal--of course Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but even my healthy varieties--gone. Oreos, gone. The Cheezits and Wheat Thins I used to supplement my lunches, gone and gone. We started buying almost exclusively real, local foods and started making our own cookies and breads.

Once, Tiffany's sister stayed in our apartment while were gone, and when we came back she had left us a note: "There's nothing to eat in your apartment that doesn't require manual labor!!!!!"

Because my family's favorite snack when we're together is melted Velveeta cheese with canned Rotel tomatoes, Tiffany worried that they would blame her for our new habits, even though I was totally on board. But they didn't.

"What are you having for dinner?" my brother asked one night after The Change.

"Burgers," I said.

"Ohhh, you still eat meat?"

"If it's grass fed," I replied.

"Oh my God, you have to get out of San Francisco!"

As on board as I am, I have refused to relinquish some relics of my past. Dr Pepper, for instance, and the occasional bag of chips.

The other night I came home from work craving junk food. I opened the pantry to see if I could find something to satisfy me, but the closest thing to junk food we had was a jar of homemade pickles. I grabbed a few bucks and made for the nearest convenience store.

When Tiffany got home--earlier than I expected her--I looked up guiltily from the bag of Chili Cheese Fritos I had selected and the plate of Tostitos nachos I was making with non-organic cheese (it wasn't Velveeta).

"I thought I'd be finished with these before you got home so you wouldn't be tempted!" I cried. "I backslid. I needed fake food."

Tiffany burst out laughing.

"I see that," she said, reaching into the fridge. I expected her to emerge with a handful of fresh vegetables and the homemade hummus she'd made the night before.

But instead, she had a beer.

"You backslid," she said, "and I love you a little more because of it. Where's your Dr Pepper?"