On Gift Giving

I feel like in relationships couple-halves should get points for the degree of separation between what they want to do and what they actually do for their partner's birthday.

Last year, I took Tiffany up in a sea plane for a tour over San Francisco for her special day. I don't even like big planes. The thought of the tiny one had me in a panic for weeks after I booked the trip. I kept telling myself:

"At least we'll die together. And Tiffany will be happy. And I'll be... with Tiffany while she's happy."

But it turned out the sea plane tour was fantastic. It was less scary than a big plane--maybe because I convinced myself I could practically do a dive into the water beneath us. Plus, we looked adorable in the gigantic ear phones he gave us so we could talk to each other without shouting.

For Tiffany's birthday this year, I made reservations at a super fancy restaurant near our house.* That was after I suggested we go bowling with friends.

"Rebecca, you're the one who wants to go bowling with friends," Tiffany reminded me.

"Oh, right," I said.

At first, I didn't like the restaurant (mostly on principle--who needs fancy)? It was covered in drapery and had thick, plush carpet.

"What kind of restaurant has carpet?" I whispered.

Then we realized all the decor was designed to provide the optimum acoustics for dinner conversation. Just like on the sea plane, Tiffany and I were able to talk to each other without shouting all through the meal. Mostly we talked about the people in the restaurant and how one of these things (us) was not like the others.

My first course came with a spoon that had been flattened out. It also had a chip in it.

"I think it's defective," I told Tiffany.

But we decided it was supposed to look that way. We didn't know why, but we also didn't think this restaurant made a habit of putting down broken silverware.

I finished my appetizer without touching the flattened spoon. I was too embarrassed to ask what it was for. Plus, my fork worked fine.

Later, Tiffany asked the waiter.

"It was for your fish," he said disdainfully, like it was a stupid question.

But there are no stupid questions. Only stupid utensils.

*For the record, the food was delicious and we had a great time.