The Nice People We Meet on the Subway

I don't usually sit when I take the subway. I find sitting makes me feel more claustrophobic and usually some man's crotch ends up just a few inches from my face. Also, I like to balance without holding onto anything, like I'm surfing.

When I choose to sit, inevitably I do so just as an elderly man or pregnant woman or tiny child is boarding the train. Of course I bounce right back up to offer my seat. Most people are very grateful for an unexpected resting place.

But sometimes being nice backfires.

The other day Tiffany and I sat. Remember that long train ride to Brooklyn? Well, we were on our way back. I was tired and not in the mood to surf, so we sat down in the middle of a bench in a nearly empty car. A few stops later, the car was very crowded. I kept an eye out for incoming crotches, but what came our way instead was an elderly looking woman carrying several bags.

I say elderly looking because of what happened next.

"Would you like to sit?" Tiffany asked, half-rising from the bench.

The woman looked at Tiffany like she was an idiot.

"Do I look like I need to sit?" she snapped. "Do I look old? What makes you think I need to sit?"

I'm not proud to admit that at this point in the exchange I pretended not to know the woman I'm engaged to. Meanwhile, Tiffany began to stammer.

"No, I mean, you don't look like anything... I mean, it's just...we're getting off at the next stop!"

"Actually, we have two more stops," I said helpfully, reclaiming my partner.

Tiffany glared at me.

"But you're right," I hurriedly went on, "we really should start making our way to the doors."