O-M-Double-G-D, It's a Cat

Did I tell you about our cat?

Tiffany and I live in an apartment where pets are not allowed. It is our greatest sadness, which is why I was so happy one day to open the curtain of our patio door to find a beautiful black and white cat staring in at me from outside.

"O-M-Double-G-D, it's a cat," I whispered to myself, using my great powers of deduction (O-M-Double-G-D is oh-my-good-god-damn for anyone who's interested).

I backed away slowly so as not to startle it and then sprinted the 20 feet between me and the bathroom where Tiffany was showering.

"Tiffany!" I yelled. "There's a cat on our balcony!"

Then I loved Tiffany a little more because her first response was not:

"What the hell are you talking about?"

It was:

"Oh my god! We have a cat! Get it some milk!"

I ran into the kitchen and filled a small bowl with milk. When I ran back to the patio, the cat peered at me, and then, when I opened the door, darted away, over the wall that divides our patio from our neighbor's and into an open sliding door.

My great powers of deduction only go so far. Because we've never seen our neighbor and he/she/they has/have nothing on his/her/their patio (not even twinkly lights!) I did not consider that he/she/they might own a cat. Invisible neighbors don't have pets.

"Oh," I said to myself. "It's someone else's cat."

And then I drank my saucer of milk and went back to report the sad news.