Size Matters

For a few brief moments in my triathlon training career, I was brilliant. Not in the pool, of course. As some of you may remember, the swim portion is not my finest. And not on the run, surprisingly, although for most of my life I've been a runner.

No.

I was brilliant on the bike.

When Tiffany and I did our first long training ride, I couldn't believe how fine I felt. I felt so fine that when it was Tiffany's turn to lead, I kept creeping up into her space, just edging into her peripheral vision, trying to push her. Finally, I came right up next to her.

"Let's go faster," I cried, and she said:

"I hate you."

I'm not paraphrasing. That's precisely what she said.

"But we're not even breathing hard!" I protested.

"I AM!" she panted.

I fell back a few paces. And then I reached my hands behind my back, stretching my arms. That was the last straw. When Tiffany saw that I was keeping pace with her without my hands, she was furious.

"No, seriously, I hate you right now," she spat. "Go ahead of me if you want."

Well, of course I would never leave my girlfriend pedaling by herself on a country road. Especially when my girlfriend was the only one of us who had memorized the route. I dropped back even further, and we rode the rest of the 32 miles in silence (ps-that's a really long time).

Rather than accept my superior biking abilities, Tiffany investigated what might really be going on. It didn't take her long to figure it out: my bike wheels are bigger than hers.

I wasn't sure how much difference this could make, but, to be supportive, I agreed with her.

"No wonder," I said. "I knew I couldn't be that much better than you."

(Wink. Wink.)

But of course she was right. When we took our bikes in for a tune-up, the mechanic validated the wheels theory immediately.

"Damn!" I laughed. "I thought I was just especially fit."

He looked at me standing in front of him with my Target helmet and mismatched hand-me-down spandex.

"No," he said.

PS--For the three of you, who participated in my blog's birthday quiz, we did come up with a winner (although none of the three got all the answers correct... didn't anybody use my search function??). As soon as the winner provides me with a blog post topic, I will get it up as fast as I can...