Conquering the Chip that is Not a Chip

"Just bite through it," I said to Tiffany, as I watched her struggle to tear through a baked kale chip.

"I'm trying," she said, "but I feel like a cow."

She meant she felt like a cow because we were chewing stems and leaves, obviously, not because she was over-eating. It's not possible, I think, to over-indulge on kale, no matter how you cook it.

Last night, we put our kale in the oven, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with salt. We baked the leaves for 15-minutes: kale chips.

These chips we served on the side of our turkey burger. Yes, we've hit a new low--or high, depending on your point of view: turning our greens into crispy snacks.

"There's got to be a better way," Tiffany said, as she hunched over her plate.

I was hunched over my plate too, trying to sever the stem of a kale chip with my left incisor without letting all my leaves--the crunchiest, tastiest part!--crumble off.

"Yes," I answered through the side of my mouth, "cut the leaves into bite-sized pieces before you bake them like I said."

"You don't like them," she said sadly in between crunches.

(The kale chips were her idea.)

"Actually, I do."

(I really did.)

I licked my fingers and blocked the ghost of french fries past from my mind. Not that we don't eat french fries anymore. It's just, french fries are a Saturday-Sunday food (turkey burgers normally are too, but we needed a protein). We had kale in our fridge on Tuesday. Baking it seemed inspired.

The biggest downside we discovered later.

"Oh my god," Tiffany exclaimed as she tore a piece of floss and looked at her teeth in the mirror. "Why didn't you tell me I had kale in every tooth?"

"I didn't notice..." I said, pushing her out of the way to smile at myself. "Oh wow. Me too."

In other words, don't serve kale chips at a dinner party unless you serve them with a side of floss.